I should be sleeping...

Its when I'm left alone
I realize how much I can stand to be that way
I can only survive so long alone
When I'm by myself my thoughts take over
And I dont really know how it got to this point
but
Most times they're negative
I need something to give my attention to
so i wont feel like this
I want to forget what im going thru

I'm ready to curse and scream
my phone wont ring ...
i just keep getting text messages ..
from the only person that gets me ..
(most times)
others wont take the time to..
tell me im crazy and walk away from me
leaving me
alone...
but uhm .. yea phones not ringing ... tv's not on..
its just me
and this song thats lying to me..
"somebodies gon cry tonight... but it wont be my tears tonight"
They will be
...but i digress
Sleep doesnt come easy..
I stay up late and I wake up early..
Its as if im expecting something..
But as i wait .. nothing ever shows up
so next to being left sleepy ...im left dissappointed
I'm hungry ... but im too lazy to get up .. because that means
i have to do a store run..
its 7.50...
in the damn morning ..
I'm on edge ...
So im jumpin between 3 things
Either i'm sad
angry
or happy...
And then there's times where I cant tell what I am
I have a chemical imbalance ....
its the only thing that makes sense
to me..
I'm up ...lit and wired...
people in their correct mind .. would be sleep at the moment
but I
I'm up .... staring at this bright ass laptop
Im ready scream
and
curse
I dont think
people get what is Im going thru
i need people i can count on
I need people to understand my situation
I do have an issue ... and i do things i cant really help
only thing i ask is that you dont hold it against me
because I truly dont like being alone ..
It gives me time to think ..
about the bad things
ones that haunt me in my sleep
.... maybe thats why im always awake
i dont like not knowing whats goin on
its why i always ask why...
its why i dont like being ignored....
I'm losing parts of my mind .. its official ... but dont worry about me
Because in an hour
I'll be in a different world.