thisweek.

May 4, 2009 : I Realize.

Every day there's something i learn about myself
some positive some negative
im all for growing and learning from things
which is why i ask questions im not annoying or anything
i just like to be in the know , i want to understand why not and why people do what they do ( if its relating to me , I should be able to get these answers BUT i digress)

somtimes even I make the same mistakes ...( which i've done recently)
eventually its understood , okay thats the wrong thing to do and this is the right thing...
there is no handbook to your particular life , sure there are thousands of self help books..
but to me to realize things on my own is much better than believing what someone else is suggesting i do , i might ask for advice but at the end of the day ... i come to my own conclusions

My life , my rules, my own book .
which is why i decided to sit & track some of thoughts as of now with some edits ( i dont want to get angry , im chill and im remaining that way )

So moving on , back to the "realizations" of this week & last month
- I'm very much capable of being nice to & semi trusting the opposite sex
- Im persistent and I most times could really care less what people are thinking about me due to the fact regardless of what i truly am .... people are going to think what they want .... you can attempt to clear your name and clarify but everybody has their own perception

"The truth is I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was...."
-Marilyn Monroe
--------

-I cant control everything , i can not predict how things will turn out , sometimes things are just out of your hands & you move along to something / someone else
-never compromise who you are for someone else.... don't get lost in the mix of things , i feel like i compromised myself and i shouldnt have , im me and i will do me to the very ( fill in the blank) end , you either deal with it or keep it pushing

& speaking of keeping it pushing , when you decide to keep it pushing
DO NOT up & disappear ( almost like dropping off the face of the earth .... I do care whether or not your dead or alive) its RUDE and i say that with a smile,
I'm a big girl and whatever is said i can handle ; but also what I realize I can not force things out of people
I no longer have expectations because anybody is capable of ANYTHING and with expectations comes disappointments and im not in the mood to be left disappointed again...

Its said ( by others) that I have the traits of a person with A.D.D. and bi polar disorder sometimes & thats okay because im not COMPLETELY out of my mind , i do not need to be institutionalized :)

Im just a simple & complicated person .... who does not mind if you call her on her shit because i am going to call you on yours.

these thoughts were going to be about something else but .... theres no use in wasting more energy talking about situations that are out of my hands and i have no control in or over

anywho, i dont know how long i'll share these kinds of posts ...
but
i like to write , i like to use my words, expressing myself is what i do
lastly i like to share so this is what you get
also,
this is another way of keeping myself in control of my thoughts
maybe i'll end up less angry and less dissappointed in some instances in the future