Untitled.

I find it hard to be completely honest... I make an attempt to though.


even I
have the desire to love
from time to time
even though I
hide behind that
"I don't like people to get to close to me"
type lie
its the easiest thing to say
when you fear things wont turn out the way
you want them to
when you allow those walls to disappear
& you become transparent & clear
when you feel like you want be
but your to afraid to take the step
afraid of what would come next
its easy to have sex but to feel that's much more complex
so i stray away because its hard to find the words to say
fearing the possible fall
that comes with giving your all
the sudden stop of calls
when you speak to each other
you start to stall and stutter
and every word you utter is a lie
unsure of what the other is thinking
no longer completing
each other sentences
relationship writing its own death wishes
but everything is worth a try
and i am learning to keep a optimistic mind
negative thoughts i'm willing to put aside

Maybe we

maybe we met at the wrong times
had it been
last week
last month
an hour ago
next year
five minutes from the time you read this

maybe there would be less to fear
things we would see differently
two years ago
maybe it was best i known
you
saving hearts from being disposed
love from being disowned
& secrets from being disclosed to soon

though
having exposed myself in a way now i haven't before
what am I to do
because walking away isn't an option
since fortunately
i can not go back in time
& i can not change my mind
& cant erase what has happened

tho had we met at different times
these thoughts wouldn't even be on my mind
but everything special
has its own unique design
and love & whatnot
takes time
sometimes
you have to move slow and let things fall in line
i'm a little impatient & i hate waiting
but for this
i don't mind
& i will continue with this optimistic mind
& continue to try
to not take things personal
i refuse to let hope die

I want now more than ever
what i never had
& i would like to believe that
here is my chance
though if its not
i won't walk away completely mad
see
i'm content with
the time we had
short lived
but lived at all is what matters

although here i'd rather reside because
being happy is new to me
it would be easier to deal

i cant speak for you
but I felt somethin real
Im caring more than i thought i would
more than i think i should
there's no use in controlling
how i feel
since there's no time that says when to feel
so too early or right on time
i do not mind
because
somethings
you learn
you can not control
though
as long as your feeling together
things work out better
because
love on a one way road
gives you no where to go
and in the end
you have nothing to show for
just time wasted.