Say You'd Stay

As you walk towards my door

Im so used to letting you go

Not knowing if or when we would do this again

Feeling indifferent to this routine

I cant continue anymore

So

As you leave

My heart calls out to you

Before my mind can stop my heart

Here i am speaking

I'm giving it all to you

Telling my secrets and pushing my limits

Shit, its

so much that i've kept built up

'Fraid if i tell you

it would end our rendevous

It just might be too much

and if it is then

we can always hang it up

and say we've had enough

See

I never intended to ever get to this point

Figured I wouldnt fall under

Swore i would ignore the things you'd say

Swear I'd never feel this way

Since I do

Its best that I tell you

Are you listening?

Im begging

Now

I'm pleading

How you've got me wrapped up so easily is beyond me

Only thing left is to get on my knees

baby

i ask then

then will you be able to see

just how much i need you to stay

Why don't you see things my way

Something said ,when you left that bed

for me not to not follow behind

Something says your only here to recieve

my heart just doesnt want to believe

Mind tells me to be still and let you go

i tried so many times so long ago

my heart just cant do so

Please dont make this so hard for us

just tell me you'd stay

I cant stand to see you leave like you used to

what do you say

baby

why dont you stay

Classic

Imagine
A love
stringed together by key things like
Integrity
A love filled with
Passion
A love lasting because of discipline
listening
to each other
A love starting with
Trust
I want to blow the dust off
Ol' School Love
Ressurect the days
When taking women out wasn't considered a payment plan for the pussy
Back to not moving so fast
flying pass all the essentials we should be paying attention to
We dont have to move too slow
together just be willing to grow
get to know all the little things
All our wrongs we work to make right
Together
I want to find the silver lining in love
without the tears without the lying
Baby, It is with you
I am trying.

Leaving.

I didnt say you can go
I never gave you the okay
to walk away
I wasnt finished
I was still in it
We were no where close to done
things were next to perfect
Nothing came close to being with you
I ask myself will this ever end...
i guess good things really do
I wasnt thru
I wanted to remain true to only you
You promised me you'd stay
but today shows me otherwise
this must be on of those
"blessings in disguise"
because i cant figure out why
...
..
now is the time
you have to leave..
When you left
know that you took my words
because i dont know what to say anymore
minus i love you
but you cant hear me
im alone and talkin to myself
hiding from my reality
and sadly i dont want to find it
when i come to i'll realize ...
i have to live without you
somethin that feels impossible to do
leaving me shouldnt have been a option nor a choice
when i have to speak on your absence
i have no voice
Im constantly talkin to myself as if you are there
but you've left.. and im far from right
i fear for my mental health
I start to lose sight of my life
You didnt have the option of leaving me
who knew "forever" was deceiving
who would have thought
id be receiving that call
ending it all...
im in a mood thats past confused
its true
expect the unexpected
i need you here with me
i need you near to me
i want to argue like we used too.
i want you to piss me off
if anything ..
i just want you here leaving me is not an option
I see you when i close my eyes
i wake up and your there
staring me in my face every place i go
...and i know in my mind ...
that little sanity that has been pushed over to the side
your not even alive ...
I realize that its unbearable to survive
without you
you lied to me
we were supposed to be much more than the tears i cry at night
because thats
when it hits me that im in this shit alone
As a lay i ask myself for the hundredth time
why are you stuck in my mind
I still hear the words you've said
love scenes play in my head
remembering our conversations brings temptations
for me to join you ..
So no you dont get to leave ...
because i wont let you go.

If only

If the possibility of a mistake
was not a thought
if the idea of getting caught
didnt scare me half to death
only then i would continue to partake in this sin
So what we use protection
its when we get comfortable that leaves me guessing
because
anything is possible
I dont want to be a statistic
because the dick couldnt be resisted
If I wasnt risking my sanity and my vanity
when i lay with you
maybe i would more often
maybe i could bring myself to let you continue
i could let you push me past anything i ever did
and i wouldnt pull away
Sex just aint that as pressing as i once thought it was
No longer curious
its official that the bad outweighs the good
I dont want to be that girl pushin strollers in the hood
looking at my baby daily
and then having to tell
her that
her father didnt bother enough to stay
If i knew that
in some time
9 months to be exact
You would still be there
doctors visits, mood swings ... and everything that comes between
If the shit got real
Could you deal ??
If i really felt like i wouldnt be left by myself
Only if
the possibilitly of a mistake
Didnt lay so heavily on my mind
If a slip up after you've slipped in
didnt result in
people askin
when am i due?
Only if there wasnt the possibility
that id lay awake at 5
because im being gutted from the insides
If I could deal with being twice my size
only then would i compromise ...
If your load mistakingly creates a load for me
what in hell would we do then
yes ....WE
If my weight gain didnt possibly result in the loss of you
then i continue to do the do
If i thought that if my monthly never showed up
you wouldnt respond like "i aint the only one you fucked"
Only if
there wasnt the possibility of making a mistake
only then ..
would
the
sex
be
great.

As of now

MOVE on ..
I cant
if i could
i wouldnt
i will always go back
it is just like that...
its the way of the world
I will always be connected to the beginnings
Its where I started it all that I want to keep running to ..
the connection is a deeper than can see .. and the more i think about it
its funny u see..
I say
fuck it
there's no use in trying to fight it
im done lying and denying to
myself and others
Im into him and will always be
and i dare you to ask me why
even better question me
and understand my reply ..
cuz dammit i dont even understand it myself sometimes
what i felt never really left
Some things are forever ..
just as some people are extra clever
what ive done is
.. grown to deal
with what it is i feel
I dare you
to debate what i say
tell me this shit makes no sense
and I
will agree
you see
somethings have no explanation
im past the stages of cute flirtation
i want more
My desire for something real are much higher
Now than before ..
when i was your titleless now and later
and its later and im still playing by old rules
feels like..
but...
i want to give you more
than the just the time of day
than just a place to play
I want to give you more
I
AM
more than a playground
Sex is overrated ...
its overweighted
I dare you
to
argue me on what I just stated
too much as been placed upon how addicted you can make me
I addicted I can become
I dont want to be addicted to dick
let me be addicted to your mind this time

During sex
id like to be sedated..
If i wasnt there it would be easier to bear
If i could step outside myself ..when you want to be pleased
i could do everything you asked with such ease
But i cant
I cant step outside of myself
and be something else
im me
and im more than the eye can see
so im more than this body ..
more than your sexual fantasies
So lets talk
lets have a conversation
this is the dream im chasing
im tired of sitting in frustration
feeling the same sensation
like i'm racing alone and chasing
a destination that isnt there
holding on to
an unattainable emotion that we may never share