he said to her your beautiful
this was far from unusual
but she couldnt see what was so beautiful about the tears she cried thru swollen eyes
what was so beautiful about limps that she blamed on trips
the pleasure he gains from her aches and pains
its ashame
that even after taking lives
she decides to play blind
just because she is wife
and to her divorce is a sign of giving up
so she’d rather die trying
she'd rather die crying..
die lying in a bed of her own fear.

thefifth.

"I love it when he says
he's about to leave and instead of letting me go
he holds me closer
& somehow
I thought I wouldnt get like this
like when he's gone to long its him I start to miss
I just want him to hold me tight
arms placed around my waist
look into my eyes in that way that makes me want to say I love you
makes me want to waste every second minute and hour
sometimes I just want to dedicate every damn day
just to lay in those arms
holding his hand like good luck charms
i've become completely unarmed
I no longer want to fight
love cant be planned
things like this it cant be rehearsed
so I just cross fingers that I always end up with the gift instead of the curse
I dont know what happens next month or next year
its just that days without him I'd fear

boys.

when will we learn

boys trying so hard to be men
I'd drink & I'd smoke & I'd lay up with him
see I wanted him to know that I'd risk it all
give in to all sins
I wanted to prove to him I was down
that there was no other like me
pleasing in ways I never known
bending over backwards
only to regret it all the morning after
Undeserving of that much energy
but I allowed him to make me believe
all that shit that was make believe
pysched myself out trying to see what he was all about
erase the hurt from before
but the rush job only landed me to hurt some more
see niggas will be niggas , that I should've known
see niggas cant see past hoes
& I couldnt see that I was better off alone
I gave in
even when the thoughts begin
'I will never win his heart'
but you cant play love smart
it is what it is
he had a way with the words
saying this that and the third

boys just trying to be men
who pretend they carry the weight of the world
somebody told them that was the standard
to be made of steel & afraid to feel
& to always say
"real recognize real"

We can scream I love you
its as if we have no voice
because one is never enough
he needs two
& three
her me and she
trust nobody
it might even be a he
if any of its the case then
he bsimply
dont need me
granted I believe in second chances
I just dont believe in the late night high ride romances
consider this my apologies in advance.

pop, pop, pop , pop
my heart stops
the lies you tell like gunshots
blows to my soul
which way do I go?
white lights in sight , i can no longer fight
As I flatline you cry you sigh
do wish that you could rewind time
to find the truth
see myself in you
feel how I felt
realize what its like when its nothing left.
When who you love has done all they can
when the waves have come in and washed away the initials with the heart from the sand…
just love me was my last demand
If only you can return those minutes seconds and hours
that you spent chasing what you had at home
those were ours
that was mines , stepped out on my love one too many times
you dont know how good you had it til, I'm gone
you dont know how much I gave until you look back and theres nothing to be saved
& when you can no longer call my name & i love yous falls onto deaf ears
nothing you can do to make it clear
with the end near
you realize that you shouldnt have played those games
just love & life would be saved
here goes to the end of days.

—oliviashanaye.

I heard that thug love was the best love
I dont mind dating danger
so I chose to test the theory
but since i'm aware that when I'm laid up in my sheets he's somewhere in the streets
when I watch the news I hold my breath and stare.
im too scared that a story with his name will air
breaking my heart to pieces that cant ever be repaired
im just that scared that ill be left with a love undeclared
leaving me to be left speechless, love less , and with much stress
needless to say
so those days when your m.i.a
I pray because if I lost you to the streets
It would be the end of my days
I'm in no condition to sit
to miss & reminisce
I wouldnt want us to be unfinished
leave too soon
i'll never see the honey moon
i'd wear black before i could wear white
i'd be the one left with sleepless nights
because i couldnt bear to see in you my dreams
to know that we would no longer would be a team
I dont want to fall victim to such a thing.
so let me not love you.
because truth is
if I woke up without you
its irreversible damage that my heart cant manage.
So i'm going to not love you.
and i'll just be repeating that until its truth.