I heard that thug love was the best love
I dont mind dating danger
so I chose to test the theory
but since i'm aware that when I'm laid up in my sheets he's somewhere in the streets
when I watch the news I hold my breath and stare.
im too scared that a story with his name will air
breaking my heart to pieces that cant ever be repaired
im just that scared that ill be left with a love undeclared
leaving me to be left speechless, love less , and with much stress
needless to say
so those days when your m.i.a
I pray because if I lost you to the streets
It would be the end of my days
I'm in no condition to sit
to miss & reminisce
I wouldnt want us to be unfinished
leave too soon
i'll never see the honey moon
i'd wear black before i could wear white
i'd be the one left with sleepless nights
because i couldnt bear to see in you my dreams
to know that we would no longer would be a team
I dont want to fall victim to such a thing.
so let me not love you.
because truth is
if I woke up without you
its irreversible damage that my heart cant manage.
So i'm going to not love you.
and i'll just be repeating that until its truth.

See you didnt tell me how my ass was fat
just that you could stare into my eyes all night
and never once asked if you could be inside while doing so
I found a love where I can take pleasure in the little things like sentence finishing
I love you
not only do I love you
i breathe you
Cut me see I bleed you
this shit runs deep
like when your asleep
and my heads on your chest and I cant rest
I listen to your heart beat
I feel so complete knowing the loves concrete
I believe you must have seen something , somehow snuck up in my dreams
because you be everything I need
Showing me a love so heavenly
that I constantly search for those wings
see this
is no fling , the real thing
i barely have to call your name
when im hurt you know my pain
nothing can come and make that change
belong together
made thru all types of weather
you know that i'm down for whatever
whenever
wherever
our hearts like pieces of art
abstracts to be exact
our love is nothing like we ever had
I dont need memories because everyday with you is beautiful
everyday with you is better than the last so I'll never find myself reminiscing about the past
everyday is fresh and new as long as that day includes you
I dont just lust for you
I dont just like you
but that other 4 letter word most defintely I do.

Slowly but Surely. (2)

For some it takes longer to realize things
It should be obvious to me
knowing
your heart lies with another
for some reason though
those words were hard for me to utter
Hanging on to the past
as if that first would be my last
keeping memories that no longer have meanings
I tried fighting temptations
but In an attempt to get back what I once missed
I decided not to lock up safe like I used too &
I let you come inside and strip me of my valuables
Now realizing how much you've gotten to me
Hard to sleep with the guilt I feel see
I just tell myself that mistakes are made and I'll be okay.
I can move on and one day wont think twice about you.
they say in time wounds heal..
but that doesnt seem so real
knowing that i've been dealing with this on and off for 2 whole years
It just wasn't as easy for me
though this may not be truth more and more I feel as if you
were wasted time ...
I knew the kind of shit I was in and I'd just pretend
that none of it fucked with my mind
today I fell for the last time
and though for longest I blamed you
this time I blame that one in the mirror
because her sight should be clearer now..
I know your bullshit like the back of my hand
I dont understand how I break my plans
I said you no longer run here still
deep inside I just wanted to feel like I used too
I see now that feeling is too far gone to ever get back.
Its when I relapsed I realized how bad I wanted to stay on track..
its like some type of drug and I want to stay above your influence
And with that
this
is the end.

-----

I used to wonder what happened to that oh so cool smooth dude that I once knew
I didnt want to let him go
so I grew partial to that someone new and I held on in hopes
that the one I knew would come back soon
my thoughts in vein
thinking back I'm a little ashamed
that I could ever fall victim to such game
especially since we always played it the same
never new rules
I never thought that there would come a day where I'd hate to hear your name
When I'd hate to see your face
I never thought that the feeling you used to give me , I'd still chase today
Never knew that with you I would ever associate such pain.
we change , we grow , we move on
all of this
I know
Somethings break and cant ever be fixed
just never realized you'd actually be missed
I long noticed the change though
calling your name didnt sound the same
and if was to dial your number I cant do it as fast as I used to
because hell I forgot the number
the thoughts of you arent so strong anymore
where they wake me from my slumber
those times when I used to wonder
will I ever see that dude again
I always knew the answer
I just never wanted to accept that the end was a looong time ago
So I just closed my eyes and acted as if I didnt know
but it was always no, because your heart lies with another
So I've just grown partial to my own dreaming in hopes of seeing that guy
you used to be.
At least now my mind is free.

2:22 last time I think of you.

tell me what you see when you look into my eyes
i've done damn well
with selling you lies
with this blessed disguise
True, im tired of having to hide
just wish I could trust you
but its cool since you've shown me I cant
Im taking the time to take out my contacts
to see things clear & exact
only looking at the facts
subtracting
the thought of happily ever afters , forgetting about dreams
just taking the time to understand what it all means
getting to know me
getting rid of anything that went along with what if .
now solely focusing on what is
See I
I never took the time to get to know you
Somehow in trying to erase a pain
that had been tossed to the back of my mind
buried it deep ,
so that you never hear that pain when I speak
which means you never got to know me either.
you were trying to erase some pain as well
occupying our bodies which bought us time to escape our minds
before we would be reminded by time that we couldnt run forever
Sooner than later and sooner for us
there went my place to escape
in all honestly we should be looking to ourselves
than subjecting someone else to our emotional hells
Never telling them the fuckedupness they are entering
for those who come after me we I wish you well
If somehow they can understand &
if somehow they lend the helping hands
I didnt have
I'm glad
that somebody , somewhere relieved you from playing solitaire
we must make them queen fast
if they put your ass back together
claiming they're so special
lets see how long the walking on air lasts
after you come down from your extasy induced high
when your crash and you fall oh so very fast
after its no longer sunny in the sky
I wonder what will happen once theres bad times?
....grass aint always greener on that other side.

Lily.

she waits
painted emotions on her face
dress cinched at her waist
long black hair
she stares
into the mirror
wondering why it feels like no one is caring

as it starts to rain
her pain starts to show and there goes her glow
its her who's left last but deserves to be first
never the chosen one when younger
it took looks to get noticed
but her looks are mistaken
and innocence was taken by curiousity
life and curiosity a bitch see
both make you slip up and trip
and thats what we do over dick
forget hearts
its our minds and bodies
that are left broken
its ashame
of the fucking games that are played
its like this is that one where i get half way around the board and you come & bump me back
to what feels like a hundred steps away from the place you dreamed to be
you say
"sorry"
but your words mean shit to me
so simply dont waste your breath
for a change give lies a rest
speak the truth this time
See i thought that we left games back in the day
when we stopped jumping rope
when we started to lose hope that Santa Claus was real
when we pinky swore and we thought "M*A*S*H" could predict our futures
things have changed and games are no longer same
she chokes on her pains
she's played games but
this is nothing she's ever felt before
playing games is no longer fun
been around the board one too many times
left with her last life
what is she to do?