love ramble

He stood for everything

I wouldnt get into

All of what I swore I wouldnt be apart of

Guess I was already in love with his potential

They say there's nothing like a black man with a plan

Had to be something to have me give in as I did

Feel like I have to be there for him as if its an obligation now

because we all know... "Nobody, but nobody can make it out here alone"



In the past

they'd ask me if I loved them

Trying to somehow clarify

I'd reply with some shit like well...

I would care if you died

if they were around long enough

I'd add in

" & I'd even cry"



He tells me he loves me

Tells me how I dont care

and the best I can come up with

is blank stares

Being that I'm not prepared

But I feel much more than my previous practiced lines can express

Though I cant seem to say I love you because it doesnt feel like love

But how can I recall something that I never been in?

I've always been on the road to but never quite there...



What would it be then when ...

being with him is enough

when waking up and sleeping in his arms feels like best thing

When I dont feel like I'm kept around in efforts to get sex

when short visits turned into long stays

into longer days

days where I want to be everything he needs

where I want to give him everything he wants

knowing that he works to give the same to me



the I'd care if you die line was a cop out

It's the run scared

Its the Imma pretend I dont want the responsbilities of a relationship

because Im scared it might fail

I cant have people knowing you "got" me

but I dont want you to date other girls

And still have to always tell me I'm the prettiest girl in the world

(doesnt make much sense right?)



How do I say you mean everything to me and when you dont call I cant sleep

I cant go weeks without seeing you

How I'm in love with almost everything you do

and even when I'm not satisfied with you ... You find a way to make me want you again..

but that doesnt neccesarily mean

I love you

you would mean mind body and soul

all of you

parts of which I'm still getting to know

Maybe I next time I can reply with

I'm in love with falling in love with you....

I'll only know when the time comes again

see this is just me making pointless attempts

to make love seem like some movie

direct every scene and rehearse every line

&

if love is natural

The only thing that can reveal love is time.