6.23

i know you've gotten in my mind
because last week i thought it was replacement time
but i couldnt bring myself to say goodbye
everything i miss
not only do i see but I feel you in my dreams
now waking me up and i want to scream

im close enough to crying myself to sleep
thats how deep this feeling goes
I never had to put this into words..
&
I never use I love you so I dont know what it means when you do

ME , Im selfish
selfish for searching for things that would
deem it easy for me to leave
im used to being lied to
so I tried to believe that this was you too
but I know all to well thats not true
& I wish
I could bring myself to say those things
but I never wanted you to know Im that selfish

I wanted you to always know Im that one who understands
Im that one who "gets it"
but my heart has new demands
& like castles in the sand when the winds descend
I found it hard to stand
and i figured it was easier to drift away

so when you asked again
I lied
said i was fine
when really I was just looking
for the time to say goodbye

but subsitution isnt what Im into
I just need you.

i need those times
when are minds bodies and souls are aligned
I want your hand in mines
I need the whole nine
but most of all
I just need the time

So while being alone
I make attempts at being content
I hold my hand as I lay
i try to sleep
i try to not breathe so deep
so i can remember what it sounds like
when im close enough to hear your heart beat

so when I tell you im okay
know that this is what I've been thinking all day.