boys.

when will we learn

boys trying so hard to be men
I'd drink & I'd smoke & I'd lay up with him
see I wanted him to know that I'd risk it all
give in to all sins
I wanted to prove to him I was down
that there was no other like me
pleasing in ways I never known
bending over backwards
only to regret it all the morning after
Undeserving of that much energy
but I allowed him to make me believe
all that shit that was make believe
pysched myself out trying to see what he was all about
erase the hurt from before
but the rush job only landed me to hurt some more
see niggas will be niggas , that I should've known
see niggas cant see past hoes
& I couldnt see that I was better off alone
I gave in
even when the thoughts begin
'I will never win his heart'
but you cant play love smart
it is what it is
he had a way with the words
saying this that and the third

boys just trying to be men
who pretend they carry the weight of the world
somebody told them that was the standard
to be made of steel & afraid to feel
& to always say
"real recognize real"

We can scream I love you
its as if we have no voice
because one is never enough
he needs two
& three
her me and she
trust nobody
it might even be a he
if any of its the case then
he bsimply
dont need me
granted I believe in second chances
I just dont believe in the late night high ride romances
consider this my apologies in advance.

pop, pop, pop , pop
my heart stops
the lies you tell like gunshots
blows to my soul
which way do I go?
white lights in sight , i can no longer fight
As I flatline you cry you sigh
do wish that you could rewind time
to find the truth
see myself in you
feel how I felt
realize what its like when its nothing left.
When who you love has done all they can
when the waves have come in and washed away the initials with the heart from the sand…
just love me was my last demand
If only you can return those minutes seconds and hours
that you spent chasing what you had at home
those were ours
that was mines , stepped out on my love one too many times
you dont know how good you had it til, I'm gone
you dont know how much I gave until you look back and theres nothing to be saved
& when you can no longer call my name & i love yous falls onto deaf ears
nothing you can do to make it clear
with the end near
you realize that you shouldnt have played those games
just love & life would be saved
here goes to the end of days.

—oliviashanaye.